


Everyone is a mess, but sometimes that's okay

by celtic_cappucino



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (casually self-projects), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Ceiling Vent Clint Barton, Chatting & Messaging, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Coffee Addict Tony Stark, Deaf Clint Barton, Domestic Fluff, Everyone is an idiot, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Group chat, High School, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Texting, everyone is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-05-13 16:12:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19254664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celtic_cappucino/pseuds/celtic_cappucino
Summary: A group of friends just started their senior year at Avengers High School, and now they'll learn that things really don't always go as planned.(Rated Teen+ for language)





	1. bagels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iced.americano: nat is finding a palce to park the car
> 
> scienceboi: whats his condition?
> 
> iced.americano: right now hes crying on the floor, refusing to sit on a bench
> 
> iced.americano: bucky has given up all hope and looks like he wants to murder someone
> 
> countryrhodes: i mean, whats new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible trigger warning for the chapter: mention of broken bones

**toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)

Monday, 10:14 a.m.  
-

kitkatnat: clinton francis barton you absolute madman

notactuallyiron: what did he do now

hawkguy: i mmay ha ve aceidentalyl do nnne a backflyp0 ff a stuark ucks ta blea

notactuallyiron: what the fuck clnt

notactuallyiron: can someone translate? or does it actually say he accidentally did a backflip off a starbucks table

iced.americano: i wish i was lyinh but yeah

notactuallyiron: someone break it down what happened

notactuallyiron: video chat?

kitkatnat: were in the car to the er speakerphone will do

-

Call Transcript: kitkatnat > notactuallyiron  
… 

“Okay Natasha, what’s the tea?”

“We were at Starbucks because we’ve got the day off y’know, it’s the freshmen’s first day, and this dumbass - Clint, stop crying - decides to climb on top of the table.”

“Ow, ow ow… it hurts…”

“Clint shut up. Yeah, so you know how the tables are really flimsy?”

“Fuck.”

“Tony…”

“Steve shush, I’m not done. So the dumbass announces ‘I’m gonna do a backflip’ and like three people seated outside look at him. He’s perched at the edge of the table and as he bends his knees to jump, the unbalanced weight tips the table so he twists and lands on his wrist.”

“Goddammit, Clint. Who’s all with you?”

“I’m driving because it’s my car, Bucky’s in the back with the idiot -”

“Hey.”

“- and Steve’s in the front, but you probably figured that out already.”

“And you didn’t invite me?” *mock offense*

“You were asleep, so it was for the best that we let you.”

“And how did you know I was asleep, Steve?”

“Well, you weren’t up texting the group chat.”

“Touche.”

“If you two are done bantering, I’m about to turn into the ER.”

“Okay Nat, keep me updated.”

“Will do. Bye.”

…  
Call ended.

 

 **tony go to sleep**  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Pepper Potts (passthepepper)  
Bruce Banner (scienceboi)  
James Rhodes (countryrhodes)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)

Monday, 10:22 am  
-

notactuallyiron: so who wants to guess who our favorite dumbass is

scienceboi: clint?

countryrhodes: its clint isnt it

notactuallyiron: its clint

notactuallyiron: mf yeeted himself off a starbucks table and landed on his wrist

passthepepper: oml clint

notactuallyiron: steve, nat, and bucky are in the er with him

iced.americano: heyo

iced.americano: nat is finding a palce to park the car

scienceboi: whats his condition?

iced.americano: right now hes crying on the floor, refusing to sit on a bench

iced.americano: bucky has given up all hope and looks like he wants to murder someone

countryrhodes: i mean, whats new

iced.americano: imma make a new gc with all of the friends in it for updates n stuff

 

 **Untitled Chat**  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)

Monday, 10:31 am  
-

Steve Rogers (iced.americano) has added Tony Stark (notactuallyiron), Pepper Potts (passthepepper), Bruce Banner (scienceboi), James Rhodes (countryrhodes), Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat), Clint Barton (hawkguy), Bucky Barnes (whitewinter), Thor Odinson (thoreos), Loki Odinson (mischiefmanaged), Sam Wilson (falconboi)

iced.americano: am i forgetting anyone

notactuallyiron: idts

mischiefmanaged: what is this all about?

scienceboi: uhhh tchalla and valkyrie?

Tony Stark (notactuallyiron) has added T’Challa (wakandaforever)

notactuallyiron: does anyone know valkyries user?

iced.americano: clint hurt himself so heres some tea if anyone actually cares

mischiefmanaged: its pegasister i think

Steve Rogers (iced.americano) has added Valkyrie (pegasister)

pegasister: thats a lot of people

thoreos: its only like 13

iced.americano: so anyway we have some tea on clint

wakandaforever: I would say I do not care, but I do.

iced.americano: so clint backflipped off a table at starbucks and landed on his wrist. nat, bucky and i are at the er with him right now, and he just came out from the xrays, so were waiting for the doctros report

falconboi: sounds gucci

whitewinter: stop that

kitkatnat: hold on the doc just came out

notactuallyiron: (jeopardytheme.mp3)

kitkatnat: lmao clint just asked how we got here and i told him i drove him, then he was like “but what about the ambulance? I heard a siren” but that was just him crying

kitkatnat: on another note, the doctor said it was a non displaced colles fracture so he’ll have a cast for 6 weeks and after that he’ll need pt, but it might take up to a year to fully heal

passthepepper: which hand was it?

kitkatnat: right, so not his dominant one which is a good thing

Steve Rogers (iced.americano) has changed the chat name to “crippled boi”

notactuallyiron: wow 11/10 gc name

 

 **its wednesday my dudes**  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wanda Maximoff (spellthetea)  
Pietro Maximoff (theflash)  
Shuri (memequeen)

Monday, 2:47 pm  
-

peterparkour: so hey gamers how was the first day

theflash: well vice principal fury seems interesting

spellthetea: idk the principal kinda acts like a dick

spellthetea: what was his name again?

memequeen: thanos or smthn

theflash: wanda permission to say a not nice thing

spellthetea: permission granted

theflash: more

theflash: more like

spellthetea: cmon say it

theflash: more like the anus if you ask me

theflash: that was hard

memequeen: yes i agree

memequeen: well gtg my furry brother is asking me about shool

peterparkour: too cool for shool (sunglasses emoji) (sunglasses emoji) (sunglasses emoji)


	2. caf food sucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> notactuallyiron: i can already tell todays gonna be shit
> 
> iced.americano: Tony.
> 
> whitewinter: ohh boi youre gonna get it he used a capital and a full stop

**crippled boi**  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Pepper Potts (passthepepper)  
Bruce Banner (scienceboi)  
James Rhodes (countryrhodes)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)  
Thor Odinson (thoreos)  
Loki Odinson (mischiefmanaged)  
Peggy Carter (peggycarter)  
Sam Wilson (falconboi)  
T’Challa (wakandaforever)  
Valkyrie (pegasister)

Monday, 5:43 pm  
-

falconboi: wait hold up i just thought of something

iced.americano: shoot

falconboi: whos paying for clints medical bill? what did his parents think?

kitkatnat: insurance mostly, and his parents dont care about anything he does

hawkguy: Hey kiddos I just figured out this new voice-typing thing, which will help me since it’s really hard to type with one hand

notactuallyiron: woah clint using capital letters? what?

peggycarter: oh this exists now i guess

peggycarter: clint is still a dumbass i see

 

 **the brodinsons**  
Thor Odinson (thoreos)  
Loki Odinson (mischiefmanaged)  
Hela Odinsdottir (thisishela)

Monday, 6:23 pm  
-

mischiefmanaged: hela hurry up

mischiefmanaged: thor is eating my chair

mischiefmanaged: thor stop

mischiefmanaged: hela help

thisishela: what kind of chips did you want again

mischiefmanaged: doritoes

thoreos: get more oreos too

thisishela: what kind

thoreos: yes

thisishela: ill take that as… ill leave it up to you, favorite older sister

mischiefmanaged: anything except the double chocolate ones

mischiefmanaged: yknow what just buy out the store

thoreos: loki is about to burn down the house

mischiefmanaged: hush its not like you break our toaster by trying to make pop tarts every day

thisishela: checking out now

mischiefmanaged: quick someone guess what the total is

mischiefmanaged: im guessing $75-$100 range

thoreos: $163.69

thisishela: loki wins

thisishela: $94.28

mischiefmanaged: geez

 

 **crippled boi**  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Pepper Potts (passthepepper)  
Bruce Banner (scienceboi)  
James Rhodes (countryrhodes)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)  
Thor Odinson (thoreos)  
Loki Odinson (mischiefmanaged)  
Peggy Carter (peggycarter)  
Sam Wilson (falconboi)  
T’Challa (wakandaforever)  
Valkyrie (pegasister)

Monday, 6:41 pm  
-

mischiefmanaged: so thats the story of how hela spent $94.28 on chips and oreos

countryrhodes: thats…. a story i guesd

 

Tuesday, 6:13 am  
-

peggycarter: whos excited to be a sENIOR?

hawkguy: Haha, funny joke. I’m going back to bed.

whitewinter: nope someone save me befgore i stab somegnoe

thoreos: now you just sound like my brother.

notactuallyiron: i can already tell todays gonna be shit

iced.americano: Tony.

whitewinter: ohh boi youre gonna get it he used a capital and a full stop

notactuallyiron: its not like there are any kids on here

notactuallyiron: hangon im getting a text from peter

falconboi: whos peter?

passthepepper: his ‘cousin,’ a freshman

falconboi: why the quotes?

passthepepper: not related by blood, more by love

pegasister: goooooooooooooo to sleeeeppp

whitewinter: bish school starts at 7:30

 

 ***loud screeching***  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

Tuesday, 6:26 am  
-

peterparkour: HAHA SUCKER NOW ITS YOUR TURN

notactuallyiron: ouch

notactuallyiron: how was your first day ysterday?

peterparkour: pretty gr7

notactuallyiron: only gr7?

peterparkour: i mena the teachers are p decet

notactuallyiron: but what makes it not gr8?

notactuallyiron: or gr10 even

peterparkour: flash was there and he was being a diiiiiiiick

notactuallyiron: just punch him in the face

peterparkour: tony im too good to do that :(

notactuallyiron: if you aks nat im pretty sure shell fight him for you

peterparkour: :)

peterparkour: also principal thanos can go eat an egg

notactuallyiron: dont let dad steve hear you talking that way

peterparkour: ahhHHHHH

 

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)

Tuesday, 10:42 am  
-

whitewinter: this day is already boring as heLL

whitewinter: and its not even 4th hour

hawkguy: whhh atih clas tare yoru in

hawkguy: iii caatn use voiice chat becauugs im int calse so thiag is fun

whitewinter: fkin biology

kitkatnat: james buchanan barnes get the fuck off your phone

whitewinter: stop texting nat i can see you youre literally two rows in front ogme

whitewinter: (hypocrite.jpeg)

notactuallyiron: the bell for fOurth hour rings in 6 minutes!

notactuallyiron: to quote gordon ramsey

notactuallyiron: “finally, some good fking classes”

iced.americano: that would actually be classified as a paraphrase

notactuallyiron: dude arent you in gym rn

notactuallyiron: how are you on your phone

iced.americano: what

iced.americano: no

iced.americano: im in spanish

iced.americano: gym is tomorrow

whitewinter: get off your phones guys or were gonna be reported to thanos

hawkguy: goD ihate chem

 

 **crippled boi**  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Pepper Potts (passthepepper)  
Bruce Banner (scienceboi)  
James Rhodes (countryrhodes)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)  
Thor Odinson (thoreos)  
Loki Odinson (mischiefmanaged)  
Peggy Carter (peggycarter)  
Sam Wilson (falconboi)  
T’Challa (wakandaforever)  
Valkyrie (pegasister)

Tuesday, 12:24 pm  
-

scienceboi: where are you guys gonn a stit for lunch?

thoreos: im already sitting with loki and val

peggycarter: im with the other student body kids from last year

kitkatnat: tables only seat 10 but ive got one for everyone else across the cafeteria

kitkatnat: im waving my hands

notactuallyiron: i see u, heading over

-

Minus Thor, Loki, Valkyrie, and Peggy, the seniors were all seated at one table that hopefully would be theirs for the rest of the year. They sat and talked about their plans for the year for a while.

Tony looked up from the caf food he was eating. “This stuff is kinda shitty,” he mumbled around a mouthful of reheated mashed potatoes.

“At least the gravy is kinda decent,” Bruce piped up, eyeing his plate. “But this is why you bring your own lunch,” he gestured to his lunchbox. “Honestly, anything is better than school caf food.”

Pepper glanced to her left, where Tony was seated. “And it’s not like you don’t have time to make your own lunch. You’re up at like 3 every morning.”

“True,” he spoke, biting into a chicken nugget. “Damn, are we sure this is even chicken?”

“That’s what it says on the menu.” Clint pointed to the TV display on the wall with his broken arm, wrapped in a pale purple cast and dotted with black Sharpie where his friends had signed it. 

There were some amusing versions of ‘get well soon,’ but hands-down Natasha’s was the funniest. She had scrawled “stop being a dumbass and this won’t happen to you” in her unmistakable handwriting. Tony had written “this is why we don’t go to Starbucks,” which was probably Clint’s second favorite.

Most people just signed his name, but others like Tony and Tasha had tried their hardest to be hilariously insulting. Sam was also among them, having written “you can’t fly, birdbrain.” The others were just too nice.

 

 **crippled boi**  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Pepper Potts (passthepepper)  
Bruce Banner (scienceboi)  
James Rhodes (countryrhodes)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)  
Thor Odinson (thoreos)  
Loki Odinson (mischiefmanaged)  
Peggy Carter (peggycarter)  
Sam Wilson (falconboi)  
T’Challa (wakandaforever)  
Valkyrie (pegasister)

Tuesday, 11:52 pm  
-

notactuallyiron: hey uhh guys

notactuallyiron: does anyone have parents who dont necessarily care if a random kid shows up at their house at midnight and stays the night?

passthepepper: oh lord tony….

passthepepper: is it a code d?

notactuallyiron: code d

countryrhodes: gotchu fam

countryrhodes: youre welcome anytime

notactuallyiron: be there in 10

 

 **Untitled Chat**  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)  
James Rhodes (countryrhodes)

Tuesday, 11:59 pm  
-

whitewinter: what’s a code d?

countryrhodes: d stands for two things

countryrhodes: dad being a dick


	3. cinnamon sugar on white toast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iced.americano: get off ur phones peopel its liekd midsngiogg
> 
> whitewinter: wh
> 
> whitewinter: that was incomprehensible
> 
> notactuallyiron: im like 90% sure he just fell asledp on his phone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible trigger warning for this chapter: implied abuse at the beginning
> 
> AHHH I'm sorry for the angst I told my self "haha no none of that" but this will hopefully be the endhsjwjdjskks

Call Transcript: countryrhodes > notactuallyiron  
… 

“Tony?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m on my way, don’t stress about it.”

“You taking your car?”

“It’s fine. I’ll park down the street and walk from there.”

“Have any… code d-tails?”

“Wow, that was so shitty, I almost want to just stop right now and jump off the damn bridge. Stop it, I can see you smirking.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Spill.”

“Rhodey, it’s _fine._ It’s not like I’m in immediate danger or anything. I just need…” *a pause* “I need to get out for the night.”

“C’mon, you wouldn’t have messaged the chat at midnight if it weren’t a problem. I’m not hanging up until you spill.”

“Geez, you’re like my mom.”

“Call me a therapist.”

*A sigh* “Honestly, it’s nothing big. Howard… just had too much to drink again.”

“And…”

“And… I don’t know what else you want me to tell you.”

“Anthony, I’m not hanging up and you know that. You would’ve just stayed in your room and locked the door if it weren’t this big of a problem.”

“Shit. Whatever. A chair was thrown, but it’s all okay now. I’m away from there. FUCK!”

“What? What happened?”

*Muttering* “Stupid assholes, they should know not to drive drunk on the damn road.”

“Tony.”

“I’m listening.”

“Take a deep breath. You’re okay. It’s okay. Where are you right now?”

*Another pause, then the faint clicking of a turn signal* “Turning onto Main right now. I’ll park in the public garage and walk from there.”

“Sounds good.”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Okay. See you soon.”

…  
Call ended.

 

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)

Wednesday, 12:14 am  
-

whitewinter: tony’s dad stop existing challenge!

notactuallyiron: haha seconded

iced.americano: get off ur phones peopel its liekd midsngiogg

whitewinter: wh

whitewinter: that was incomprehensible

notactuallyiron: im like 90% sure he just fell asledp on his phone

 

 **tony defense squad**  
Pepper Potts (passthepepper)  
James Rhodes (countryrhodes)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)

Wednesday, 12:32 am  
-

countryrhodes: hes finally asleep in my bed

countryrhodes: im on the couch tonight but its fine

passthepepper: k spill

countryrhodes: long text hold on

countryrhodes: on the phone he said howard drank too much and threw a chair but that it was all fine because he was away from his house now. he also seemed p shaken up when a drunk driver - im guessing - swerved into his lane or smthn which is kina strange seeing as normally e just shakes it off

kitkatnat: im pretty sure hes brushing it off well bc of the conversation he had in a different gc

kitkatnat: (toastersquad12am.jpeg)

countryrhodes: hang on a sec im not done

countryrhodes: he stumbled into my house with his baakcpack and a change of clothes but there was a cut on his arm

countryrhodes: he let me treat it and i didnt press him any more about it

passthepepper: just be there for him tomorrow morning

passthepepper: make him pancakes or something but dont try to brring up the subject

kitkatnat: see you guys at school later

passthepepper: get some sleep <3

 

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)

Wednesday, 7:16 am  
-

notactuallyiron: hey you guys should all get a rhodey

notactuallyiron: theyre really nice

notactuallyiron: he made bacon and eggs for breakfast and toast with cinnamon sugar

hawkguy: What kind of toast was it?

notactuallyiron: white, never wheat

iced.americano: but wheat is healthier for you

notactuallyiron: back off bitch

iced.americano: geez ok

iced.americano: school starts in 15 minutes you better get your butts there quick

notactuallyiron: nah fam its fine rhodey lives like ten minutes from there

hawkguy: Hey guys

hawkguy: I left my hearing aids at home

kitkatnat: jfc clinton

kitkatnat: ill bring my extras

notactuallyiron: is anyone gonna talk about the fact that natasha actually has extra hearing aids for clint

iced.americano: no

kitkatnat: no

hawkguy: No

 

Wednesday, 9:55 am  
-

notactuallyiron: i am so dissapointed in my kin right now

kitkatnat: lmao which kinling

notactuallyiron: peter actually just climbed a lunch table, tposed and recited the “dont fuck with me” vine during passing time

notactuallyiron: while yeeting a hot dog into the crowd

hawkguy: lmaot ssend a vixdeo

notactuallyiron: (https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ)

hawkguy: oh loerd

 

 **its wednesday my dudes**  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wanda Maximoff (spellthetea)  
Pietro Maximoff (theflash)  
Shuri (memequeen)

Wednesday, 10:01 am  
-

theflash: ok tbh i dint think hed actually do it

memequeen: but he did

memequeen: and it was beautiful

spellthetea: please tell me someone got it on vvideo

peterparkour: im pretty sure tony stark did

peterparkour: by the way he was holding his phone up and shaking his head in disappointment

memequeen: see if he will send it

peterparkour: will do

 

 ***loud screeching***  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

Wednesday, 10:09 am  
-

peterparkour: please tlel me you got that on video

notactuallyiron: i did

peterparkour: :D

notactuallyiron: and before you ask, no you may not have it

peterparkour: :(

peterparkour: but whyyy

notactuallyiron: i am

notactuallyiron: not ok by that little show you put on

peterparkour: it was beautiful, wasnt it

notactuallyiron: no.

peterparkour: what about the part where the hot dog wiggled through the air and hit flash in the head

notactuallyiron: okay i can live with that part

peterparkour: it was a stunning work of art

peterparkour: the perfect trajectory

peterparkour: the wiggle

notactuallyiron: stop that

peterparkour: it was wiggleicious

notactuallyiron: blocked

peterparkour: wait unblock me i have something important to tell you

notactuallyiron: unblocked

peterparkour: bitch

notactuallyiron: blocked and reported you’ve made me upset now go have playtime with the other little kids

 

 **its wednesday my dudes**  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wanda Maximoff (spellthetea)  
Pietro Maximoff (theflash)  
Shuri (memequeen)

Wednesday, 10:13 am  
-

peterparkour: well i didnt get the file

memequeen: darn

peterparkour: but i did get a reaction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Tony's dad stop existing challenge" quote supplied by user Dandelionpaint! Thank you so much!!


	4. olive garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whitewinter: can someone pLEase explain to me why the actual fuck tony is standing outside olive garden with a puppy in his arms?
> 
> kitkatnat: well you see…
> 
> notactuallyiron: i may or may not have adopted a dog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH chapter 4 kiddos
> 
> I rewrote this like 3 times because of legality issues hahaha
> 
> Possible trigger warning for this chapter: stray dog

(meant to take place in November)

 **Untitled Chat**  
T’Challa (wakandaforever)

Saturday, 11:46 am  
-

T’Challa (wakandaforever) has added Shuri (memequeen), Bucky Barnes (whitewinter), Sam Wilson (falconboi), Tony Stark (notactuallyiron), Bruce Banner (scienceboi), Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat), Clint Barton (hawkguy), James Rhodes (countryrhodes), Peter Parker (peterparkour), Wanda Maximoff (spellthetea), Pietro Maximoff (theflash)

T’Challa (wakandaforever) has changed the chat name to “Thanksgiving Party”

wakandaforever: Good morning, my friends. Our mother is wishing to know if you all would be wishing to attend a Thanksgivings dinner party. It would take place on Thanksgiving Thursday, from 4:30 pm to 7 pm at the lakeside. There would be food, music, swimming, and other games.

scienceboi: uhh sure! id love to come!

scienceboi: is there anything wed need to bring?

memequeen: greetings fellow memers, yeah, you guys can bring a dish of food or something

memequeen: and maybe a swimsuit and stuff or change of clothes

countryrhodes: there wont be alcohol at this party, right?

wakandaforever: Alcoholic beverages will not be provided, and aren’t advised since, as our mother points out, everyone attending would be underage.

countryrhodes: good. last one i went to did not end well

notactuallyiron: oh hell yeah, ill be attending

notactuallyiron: holidays at my house are… extremely awkward to say the least

notactuallyiron: can i bring a boat?

memequeen: DO IT.

whitewinter: honestly im p sure most people here have kinda shitty families

whitewinter: count me in

hawkguy: if tasha can drive me, im in

kitkatnat: whatever ok

spellthetea: piet and i can attend

peterparkour: im pretty sure i can, but lemme ask aunt may first

falconboi: sure, ill bring sugar cookies

memequeen: oh yeah

hawkguy: fUck yeah sams cookies are the best

iced.americano: ill be there!

iced.americano: i can bring salad

whitewinter: steve who thinks high schoolers actually eat salad wtf

scienceboi: i can come

scienceboi: with chips

memequeen: yeS

 

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)

Tuesday, 4:19 pm  
-

whitewinter: can someone pLEase explain to me why the actual fuck tony is standing outside olive garden with a puppy in his arms?

kitkatnat: well you see…

notactuallyiron: i may or may not have adopted a dog

~ f L a S H b A c K ~

Tuesday, 3:01 pm  
-

notactuallyiron: hey kids im in the mood to piss off howard right now who wants to help

hawkguy: hell yeah count me in

kitkatnat: im going along for parental supervision

iced.americano: im tutoring someone right now but dont get yourselves killed

hawkguy: golden boy steve jeez

iced.americano: at least i have a job

kitkatnat: oooHHHHOHOHHO

hawkguy: at least i have a life

kitkatnat: askfd;alskhdKJSHGALKHGKAHGIWHEGI

notactuallyiron: SKSKSKSKFHA ouch thats gonna leave a fkin mark

notactuallyiron: well ill pick you guys up in 5 minutes

-

Natasha shoved Clint out the door as they saw a red Audi A5 pull up past Clint’s house with the top down, hopping on one foot while struggling to get on her shoe.

“Ha, what do you think he has in mind?” Clint asked, trotting down the driveway.

“No idea. SHOTGUN!” she shouted, breaking into a run and hopping over the door, not bothering to open it.

“Dammit,” her friend hissed in mock disappointment, opening one of the back doors and climbing in, strapping the seatbelt across his chest. “Geez Tony, this is a really nice-ass car.”

Tony adjusted his sunglasses, peering back at Clint through the rearview mirror. “Howard’s gotta do something with all his damn money. The only good thing about him.”

Nat pulled her tinted aviators down, propping an elbow up on the side of the car. “Where are we headed?” she asked. It was a clear, mid-November day with temperatures on the warm side, reaching just over 60°F (15.5°C). Natasha had a big hoodie on, while Clint sported a vest (more like a life-jacket, she teased) and Tony simply wore a thin jacket.

“To iHop,” he replied sarcastically, pulling onto the main road. “No, obviously to Olive Garden, dummy. Where did you think I was going?”

“How are we gonna piss off your dad by going to Olive Garden?” Clint asked, buckling his seatbelt.

Tony reached into a pocket and pulled out a credit card. “By buying 8 pounds of breadsticks. That’s roughly… 64 breadsticks. I did the math.”

“Is that Howard’s credit card?” Natasha glanced towards him as he tucked it away.

He shrugged. “Howard’s a billionaire. It’s only $28.44.”

Clint stared into the rearview mirror. “And how long did it take for you to figure that out?”

“It was easy.” Tony flicked on the left blinker and turned onto the highway. “I found a recipe for mock Olive Garden breadsticks and took note of the amount of flour and water, which equaled out to about 2 ounces per breadstick. Then by dividing 128 by 2, 128 being 16oz by 8 to get 8 pounds I got 64. However,” he paused, taking a drink from a coffee cup in the cupholder, “Olive Garden only sells dozen and half-dozen sets, I ordered 4 dozen breadsticks, 1 half-dozen, and 1 set of dipping sauce including 4 breadsticks for a total of exactly 64.”

Everyone was silent, with only the dull hum of the car’s wheels on asphalt making a noise.

“Wow,” Clint said after a while.

-

 **olive garden squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)

Tuesday, 3:22 pm  
-

notactuallyiron: uhh natasha dya think you could hurry up with the breadsticks

kitkatnat: ...why?

notactuallyiron: theres a stray dog out here

hawkguy: its really cute

kitkatnat: omg

kitkatnat: how do you know its stray

notactuallyiron: theres no collar and it looks like it hasnt eaten in a while

hawkguy: you can only live for so long off of an olive garden dumpster

kitkatnat: that sounds oddly reminiscent

notactuallyiron: anyway my point is

notactuallyiron: theres a dog sitting on the ground next to me and we want you to hurry up with the damn breadsticks so we can get in my car and take it to clints

hawkguy: lucky gets a friend :)

kitkatnat: ok ok theyre coming now chill

 

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)

Tuesday, 4:19 pm  
-

whitewinter: can someone pLEase explain to me why the actual fuck tony is standing outside olive garden with a puppy in his arms?

kitkatnat: well you see…

notactuallyiron: i may or may not have adopted a dog

-

The owners of the Olive Garden said that the dog had been there for a while, and that nobody had wanted anything to do with it. If Clint wanted to bring it home, he could do so. 

Tony, Clint, and Natasha drove it to the vet, who confirmed that it had no microchip and nobody on record was looking for it. The dog turned out to be a two year old female who had most likely been a stray all her life. She was stunning after a bath, mostly lighter gray-blue with darker spots dappling her coat and medium-long, silky fur. The vet spayed her so she couldn’t reproduce, and the three made plans.

Clint would take the dog - which they had named Olive in memoriam of where they had found her - home for the time being, because he already had a dog and his parents were fine with it. Tony and the rest of the group were always able to go over and see her, especially since Clint agreed on sharing her with everyone.

-

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)

Tuesday, 5:52 pm  
-

hawkguy: out of curiosity, what did you end up doing with 8 pounds of breadsticks

notactuallyiron: put them on every counter in the house, including howards nightstand

whitewinter: goals

kitkatnat: oml

kitkatnat: i wish you luck

notactuallyiron: its fine fam, ill stay at rhodeys tonight

notactuallyiron: hows olive doing?

hawkguy: lucky loves her

hawkguy: shes still trying to get used to the cone, but ill work on basic obedience work tonight

kitkatnat: hang on a sec ill be over i wanna help

iced.americano: hold up

iced.americano: you guys went to olive garden, bought 64 breadsticks to prank tonys dad, and adopted a dog?

notactuallyiron: yeah

kitkatnat: pretty much

hawkguy: basically

iced.americano: screw it im skipping out on tutoring next time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my mom and stepdad spent 10 minutes helping me figure out how many breadsticks is in 8 pounds of breadsticks using the strategy said above and I'm proud
> 
> We were like _this close_ to just calling Olive Garden and asking them how much one breadstick weighed
> 
> Also the original plan was for Tony to go and adopt a collie from a breeder but after a long while of googling I realized it wouldn't be safe for a teen to adopt a dog behind the parent's back, especially if it's being welcomed into an unstable household :)
> 
> I have three fur-babies of my own, my mom's been a dog trainer for 30 years, and my certified therapy dog is a dog safety ambassador so I'm fairly familiar with animal legalities and such and how they'd be able to fit in with a family. I've lived with dogs my entire life, and I'm very opinionated when it comes to safety.


	5. p l a n n i n g

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peterparkour: asedfkjagkahw
> 
> notactuallyiron: clint i think you broke him
> 
> notactuallyiron: party’s at 4:30 ye?
> 
> memequeen: yeye
> 
> notactuallyiron: stop that
> 
> memequeen: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> memequeen: this is gonna be the best party already

**Thanksgiving Party**  
T’Challa (wakandaforever)  
Shuri (memequeen)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)  
Sam Wilson (falconboi)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bruce Banner (scienceboi)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
James Rhodes (countryrhodes)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wanda Maximoff (spellthetea)  
Pietro Maximoff (theflash)

Wednesday, 4:23 pm  
-

hawkguy: out of curiosity…

hawkguy: are we allowed to bring dogs :)

wakandaforever: The lakeside park we are hosting the party at is pet-friendly, yes.

memequeen: BRING THE DOGGO

hawkguy: *doggos

memequeen: there’s mORE THAN ONE?

memequeen: are they heCKIN GOOD DOGGOS

hawkguy: the heckin’ best

memequeen: tea. spill. now. 

hawkguy: well theres lucky whos a lab mix, i adopted him from a shelter a couple years ago. we think hes 5 or 6 now, but hes missing an eye because of his sad past :(

peterparkour: I WANT TO MEET THE DOGGOS

memequeen: peter hush htaths only one of the two

hawkguy: and on saturday tony, nat and i went to olive garden to buy 8 pounds of breadsticks and there was a stray dog there so i brought it home

hawkguy: her name is olive, and shes around 2 we think

peterparkour: asedfkjagkahw

notactuallyiron: clint i think you broke him

notactuallyiron: party’s at 4:30 ye?

memequeen: yeye

notactuallyiron: stop that

memequeen: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

memequeen: this is gonna be the best party already

memequeen: weve got dogs, a boat, chips, salad, fairy lights, and you already know its gonna be an aesthetic

spellthetea: oh yeah stark what kind of boat is it?

notactuallyiron: i could bring the pontoon or the bowrider

notactuallyiron: the pontoon is in a garage across town tho but ill bring either

spellthetea: whats teh difference lol

notactuallyiron: well the pontoon is bigger and has more space but its not as fast, if people wanna tube i can still pull them. theyre sometimes known as party boats

notactuallyiron: and the bowrider is typically what you think of when you think boat, it can get up to over 90 mph on clear waters and its great for tubing

wakandaforever: It is supposed to be a pretty clear day.

notactuallyiron: lets take a poll: party boat for more people or fun boat to pull people

hawkguy: fun boat!

spellthetea: fun boat

peterparkour: FUN BOAT.

countryrhodes: party boat

iced.americano: party boat I think would go better

kitkatnat: coming online only to say fun boat

theflash: fun boat def

whitewinter: I HAVENT BEEN TUBING IN SO LONG FUN BOOOOOOOOOAT

scienceboi: party boat

falconboi: fun boat!!

notactuallyiron: aight thats 7 for bowrider and 3 for pontoon fun boat it is

whitewinter: HELL YEAH

iced.americano: wait bucky when was the last time you were tubing?

whitewinter: in like 6th grade

peterparkour: ive never been tubing!

memequeen: holy shit peter its so fun

memequeen: you gotta hold on and you go so fast and then when they turn you get yeeted off the back

T’Challa (wakandaforever) has added Thor Odinson (thoreos) and Loki Odinson (mischiefmanaged)

mischiefmanaged: what’s this?

mischiefmanaged: a party?

thoreos: id love to come, but wed have to leave early

mischiefmanaged: what?

mischiefmanaged: why?

thoreos: helas coming home

wakandaforever: Sounds good! What time will you be departing?

thoreos: uhh i think she wanted us back by 6 :(

 

 **the brodinsons**  
Thor Odinson (thoreos)  
Loki Odinson (mischiefmanaged)  
Hela Odinsdottir (thisishela)

Wednesday, 3:44 pm  
-

thisishela: why

thisishela: is there

thisishela: a fucking

thisishela: turkey

thisishela: in our living room

mischiefmanaged: because it needed a home

thisishela: and dads ok with this?

mischiefmanaged: he doesnt know :)

thoreos: you both are evil

mischiefmanaged: oh hush you squeaky shopping cart

thisishela: loki wow thats a… very mild insult

mischiefmanaged: you want me to do wordse i hope you step on a lego

thoreos: brOTHER

thisishela: UNCALLED FOR

mischiefmanaged: i did my worst

 

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)

Wednesday, 3:57 pm  
-

notactuallyiron: clint im coming over to see my dog

iced.americano: she isn’t your dog, tony

hawkguy: shes everyones dog physically fight my whole face steve

iced.americano: will do ill win

whitewinter: do you really want to make that call

whitewinter: my moneys on clint

iced.americano: b e t r a y e d

whitewinter: g o o d.

kitkatnat: ouch

kitkatnat: im siding with bucky here clints gonna take it

iced.americano: oh come on tasha

kitkatnat: shut up

notactuallyiron: yeah clints got this

iced.americano: I feel ganged up on

whitewinter: you should

kitkatnat: summarization of this chat today-

kitkatnat: tony: im coming to see my dog

kitkatnat: steve: lol nope its not yours

kitkatnat: clint: well yes but actually no

kitkatnat: everyone except steve: (itsfreerealestate.jpeg)

hawkguy: wow thank you thank you for all the suport

hawkguy: suppost

hawkguy: support

hawkguy: and also yes, olive is p much free real estate

notactuallyiron: so anyway clint come open your door

hawkguy: omg tony

hawkguy: (hesjustbeensittingthere.jpeg)

kitkatnat: not creepy or anything

hawkguy: (oliveandtony.jpeg)

 

 **shuri annoying her brother with dead memes**  
T’Challa (wakandaforever)  
Shuri (memequeen)

Wednesday, 4:29 pm  
-

wakandaforever: Are we even sure this is a good idea?

memequeen: no

memequeen: we have 14 people ages ranging from 13 to 17

memequeen: and at least two dogs

memequeen: and tubing

memequeen: no alcohol tho which is probably a good thing

wakandaforever: I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

 

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)

Wednesday, 11:58 pm  
-

whitewinter: wait for it…

whitewinter: wait for it…

whitewinter: YES THERE WE GO

whitewinter: *yeets in thanksgiving*

kitkatnat: does anyone know how to tell if a mango is ripe

kitkatnat: asking for a friend

hawkguy: eat it

notactuallyiron: *yeets a turkey at someone cause its easter*

whitewinter: ok so

whitewinter: smell the end with the stem

whitewinter: and if it smells like fruit its good

whitewinter: also squeeze it a little if its a little squishy its good

iced.americano: im not even going to ask why you guys are up at midnight

iced.americano: nor why bucky knows how to tell if a mango is ripe

notactuallyiron: just go with it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the last little section with the toaster squad is an actual conversation I've had in my group chat (currently named "wHy DiD yOu pOkE tHe fRoG" but it changes every couple days) with Nat being me. Originally it happened on Easter and was '*yeets an egg at someone cause it's Easter* but I felt like incorporating it sooner.
> 
> I've screenshotted a lot of funny little clips and conversations we've had on there, and I'm thinking of adding in more!


	6. thonk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iced.americano: have you guys had something to eat yet?
> 
> notactuallyiron: omg its mom rogers
> 
> iced.americano: arent you towing people?
> 
> notactuallyiron: nah fam i gotta take a break
> 
> hawkguy: CAN I DRIVE THE BOAT
> 
> notactuallyiron: hell no
> 
> hawkguy: but why :(
> 
> notactuallyiron: because its a 36 thousand dollar boat and if you crash it my dads legitimatley gonna murder me
> 
> hawkguy: oh rip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer chapter (almost 2000 words!) with lots of actual writing mixed in, and I really like how it turned out! I think the ending was my favorite part, I actually started to get a little sentimental haha. Be warned, I'm like 99% sure the mood changes this chapter has will give you whiplash. Enjoy!!

**toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)

Thursday, 4:10 pm  
-

notactuallyiron: anyone need a ride

notactuallyiron: ive got 4 seats

whitewinter: i do

hawkguy: same with nat and i

notactuallyiron: steve?

iced.americano: Sams taking me

notactuallyiron: bucky first then bc hes on the way

whitewinter: hOLY SHIT

whitewinter: THATS A BIG BOAT

whitewinter: (awgjalwekg.jpeg)

hawkguy: HELL EYAH THIS IS GONNA BE FUN

hawkguy: WAIT TONY CAN I RIDE IN THE BBOAT

whitewinter: he said he would let you but its too far

whitewinter: also he doesnt wanna risk it coming off the hitch bc of the added weight

kitkatnat: makes sense. give it a rest clint

hawkguy: skgwlegh fine

whitewinter: be there in 6

 

 **shuri annoying her brother with dead memes**  
T’Challa (wakandaforever)  
Shuri (memequeen)

Thursday, 4:19 pm  
-

wakandaforever: Music?

memequeen: check

wakandaforever: Food?

memequeen: check

wakandaforever: People arriving?

memequeen: check

memequeen: can you tell me when stark gets here with the boat imma help

wakandaforever: He said he will be there very soon.

memequeen: wait

memequeen: I CAN SEE IT

memequeen: its coming up the road

memequeen: geez its actually pretty big

-

Tony backed the car up expertly, slowly moving the boat into the water. Shuri stood on the dock and motioned for him to keep going, then stop when he’d gone far enough. Bucky and Shuri moved to tie the bowrider to the wooden platform while Tony drove to the parking lot.

“Back off kids,” he joked, jogging back to the dock and doing an initial check. “Shuri, the fairy lights please?” She handed him a string of pale white and gold lights, of which he lined the inside of the bowrider with. Tony climbed inside and propped a knee up on the driver’s seat, turning the key in the ignition. He was too short to actually sit in the seat and see over the windshield, so this was the alternative.

“I’m just gonna take her for a test drive quick,” Tony explained, undoing the knots tying the boat to the docks. He eased the boat out of the shallow water and turned, looking back to make sure the tube was still on the stern.

“Go really fast!” Peter had now joined Shuri’s side, jumping up and down with excitement. Tony gave him an ‘okay’ sign and moved the accelerator forward, standing up a little straighter to see over the raised bow. The boat sped across the water, bouncing over the waves and threatening to knock the tube off the back.

After doing a few circles in the middle of the lake, Tony backed off the accelerator and turned to return to the port. Instead of docking it again, he realized it would be easier to have it in the area by the party in the first place, so he brought it up to the sandy shore and parked it, hopping over the side and landing more or less gracefully on land.

Tony walked back up to the group at the same time that Sam was hijacking the DJ stand, standing behind the speakers and shouting “LET’S GET THIS GODDAMN PARTY STARTED!” and cranking up the volume, blasting “Country Roads” across the park. He glanced around, observing the controlled chaos, just as five people sprinted up to him.

-

Peter slowly climbed onto the tube, with Shuri on his left side and Pietro on his right side. It was a 3-person tube, and they decided to put Peter in the middle since it was his first time and it’s less of a chance that he’d fall off.

“You ready?” Clint asked, sitting in the stern with Natasha. It was Tony’s rule that they always had to have at least one person in the back seats of the boat to make sure everyone was okay. All the tubers also had to wear lifejackets because some parts of the lake were fairly deep.

Shuri thrust a thumbs-up into the air, while Pietro looked towards Peter. “You good?” he asked. Peter nodded, adjusting his grip on the handles. Pietro mimicked Shuri’s thumbs-up, and they heard Clint shouting “start ‘em up” to Tony as the boat began to move forward. Tumbling water churned from underneath and spread to the sides, leaving a v-shaped ‘safe space’ that would ensure the tube wouldn’t go too crazy.

The boat picked up speed, yanking the tube along once it reached the end of the rope. Peter shrieked, mostly for the fun of it (and making Shuri laugh), but also because it was unexpected. And Peter didn’t like unexpected events. Which means it was probably a bad idea that he decided to go tubing with Tony Stark of all people.

Tony gradually sped the boat up, turning sharply and causing the tube to be tossed out of the wake just as it hit a wave, making it fly almost 7 feet into the air! Pietro lost his grip and was thrown off the tube, shouting “AVENGE ME” as Shuri began to sing “Mmm, Whatcha Say.” Natasha looked to Pietro to see if he wanted them to stop, and he gestured for the boat to keep going from his spot in the water. The boat picked up speed again.

For a short while the tube cruised easily across the water before Tony jerked the boat in the other direction, causing Peter to drop one hand and begin bouncing on the tube. Eventually he couldn’t hold on for much longer, so he let go, bumping into Shuri as he did. The two collided and got yeeted into the water. Tony slowed the boat, looping back around to collect Pietro and then the younger teens. 

-

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)

Thursday, 5:27 pm  
-

whitewinter: OMG GUYS IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY GO ON TH ETUBE ITS SO FUN

kitkatnat: burr, check what we got

kitkatnat: tony pulling people on the tube with a yacht

kitkatnat: wow these chips are hot

kitkatnat: sams played this song a lot

kitkatnat: clints dogs are great and im so happy that they were brought

whitewinter: wee woo wee woo hamilnerd alert

kitkatnat: shut up at least im a cool kid

iced.americano: have you guys had something to eat yet?

notactuallyiron: omg its mom rogers

iced.americano: arent you towing people?

notactuallyiron: nah fam i gotta take a break

hawkguy: CAN I DRIVE THE BOAT

notactuallyiron: hell no

hawkguy: but why :(

notactuallyiron: because its a 36 thousand dollar boat and if you crash it my dads legitimatley gonna murder me

hawkguy: oh rip

iced.americano: I mean that seems like a pretty good reason to not drive the boat

iced.americano: but seriously you guys dont have anything better to do

whitewinter: nah not really

whitewinter: omg peter just said “so you like birds” to sam

whitewinter: correction now ive gtg sams about to murder a minor

-

Natasha sat cross-legged on a rug in the grass overlooking the lake. Rhodey was driving the boat because he was the only other person Tony trusted to do so, towing Wanda, Peter, and Bruce on the tube. The sun was disappearing into the lake, painting the sky orange, pink, purple, and blue. She grabbed a chip from the paper plate on her lap and popped it into her mouth absentmindedly.

“Hey Tasha.” She turned around to see Clint walking up to her, waving. Olive bounded through the grass and leapt onto the rug, flipping onto her back and wiggling with her paws in the air. Natasha smiled and rubbed the dog’s white belly, shifting over to make room for Clint.

Fairy lights were strung from tree to tree, giving just enough ambient lighting to create a serene setting. Bucky sprinted to the spot and skidded, laying down in the soft greenery with his plate on his chest and a slice of turkey in his mouth.

Steve spotted the group and gingerly headed over while “When The Stars Go Blue” by Ryan Adams played softly in the background. Someone had finally pushed Sam out of his DJ-ing spot and switched playlists. He took a spot to the right of Bucky, laying his head on his friend’s stomach and stealing a cheeto off of his plate.

After loading the boat, Tony found his friends on the cliff overlooking the lake. He found a seat in between Natasha and Clint, leaning back on his hands and grinning as Olive wiggled her way into his lap. Hesitating slightly, he shifted closer to the two on the rug, allowing Bucky and Steve to lean against them. Natasha glanced at him and noticed his eyes glistening in the waning sunlight.

“What’s up?” she asked quietly, dropping her head on his shoulder.

“I love you all,” Tony managed to choke out. “I’m sorry, I just…”

Steve looked back at him. “Take your time.”

Tony took a deep breath. “Thanksgivings at my house would never be like this. They’re always awkward because of… Howard… and…” he sighed. “This is the best real holiday I think I’ve ever had. You're like the family I never knew I needed.” A single tear rolled down Natasha’s cheek, not that she’d admit it or let anyone see.

“I know,” she replied, brushing her hair out of her face. “Think of how far we’ve come.”

“I’m thankful for everyone sitting right here,” Steve smiled.

Bucky punched him playfully. “Only you’d say that.”

“But it’s true!” he protested.

“I never said it wasn’t.”

Clint patted Lucky’s side and pulled the dog onto his lap. “This is nice. Just the five of us, the toaster squad.”

He heard a small laugh from someone. “Remind me again why we’re named that?” Tony asked.

“It was the five of us who went out to help Bucky buy a new toaster at Ikea,” Natasha recalled. “I forgot what it was originally called, but we soon changed the name after that.”

“Good times,” Bucky called from below.

The music faded softly into the background as the sun dipped low behind the lake. Stars rose silently into the sky and for a while nobody spoke, the presence of being together enough to say everything. Five Seniors and two dogs sitting in the dark, illuminated by the full moon and fairy lights.

-

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)

Thursday, 7:49 pm  
-

kitkatnat: (thanksgivingssunset.jpeg)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boat section was fun to write because my grandpa has a boat and every summer we used to go boating (hoping we can make it this summer too!). I always help with it, and he started teaching me to drive it when I was 9! hOWEVER since I'm short asf (5'3" kiddos), I have to kneel on the driver's seat (like Tony in this fic) because otherwise I can't see over the windshield lmao
> 
> I kinda sorta really wanna make fanart of (thanksgivingssunset.jpeg), so follow me on Instagram at @equinxx._ to be able to see it! If I figure out how to put pictures in chapters I might put it here too, but we'll have to see for now! (It might be a while since I've decided that I need to play Minecraft instead of making art :P)


	7. origins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kitkatnat: did we actually just lose our friend in an ikea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was requested by and is dedicated to the user Dandelionpaint! Thank you so much for commenting on every single one of the chapters and being one of my biggest supporters!!

~ Summer Before Sophomore Year ~

 **a snake but wide instead of long**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Tony Stark (fluentsarcasm)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Bucky Barnes (freshplums)

Saturday, 1:38 pm  
-

freshplums: fsdfjslgskjglwgfhoiawehgoiwebgo

freshplums: awkgh;awiehg;oaiwhegoaiwheg

kitkatnat: james buchanan barnes what do you want

freshplums: my toaster broke

freshplums: again

hawkguy: wow

hawkguy: thats what, like the fourth one this year

freshplums: sshhhHHHHHH

iced.americano: how did you manage to do that?

freshplums: i uhh

freshplums: accidentally dropped it off a balcony

fluentsarcasm: h-

fluentsarcasm: how does one “accidentally” drop it off a balcony

iced.americano: oh lord

fluentsarcasm: i mean we could go to ikea and get a new one

fluentsarcasm: any reason to get out of the house

hawkguy: does anyone here actually have their lisense

fluentsarcasm: boi ive had a license for 4 months and ive had a car since i was like 14

freshplums: your parents actually got you a car

fluentsarcasm: im a stark, we have like 9 high end cars

fluentsarcasm: but yeah ive been able to drive for a year

freshplums: oh nice can you pick us up?

fluentsarcasm: i wish but haha restriction laws fjsjfjsk

fluentsarcasm: dont need my dad to kill me again

hawkguy: again?

fluentsarcasm: shhh

iced.americano: i mean we can just take the bus

hawkguy: or walk ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

freshplums: why the lenny face

kitkatnat: lets take the bus

fluentsarcasm: im paying

-  
Saturday, 2:13 pm  
-

kitkatnat: has anyone seen bucky

hawkguy: no?

fluentsarcasm: i thought he went to the toaster aisle?

iced.americano: no nat and i are there now hes not here

hawkguy: well damn uhh

hawkguy: has anyone checked the second floor?

fluentsarcasm: why isnt he answering his phone

kitkatnat: idk

kitkatnat: did we actually just lose our friend in an ikea

fluentsarcasm: ok sO thinking logically, there are two ways we could find him

fluentsarcasm: we could all split up and have our phones with us

fluentsarcasm: or we could all go together

iced.americano: lets split up

hawkguy: im already on the second floor, so ill check up here

kitkatnat: sounds good ill look in the home organization area and then ill go help

iced.americano: ill stay near the appliances

fluentsarcasm: ill just walk around and look

-  
Saturday, 2:38 pm  
-

fluentsarcasm: so uhh i found him

fluentsarcasm: hes stuck in between two shelves

fluentsarcasm: and he dropped his phone

hawkguy: lmao send pics

fluentsarcasm: (howdoesthisevenhappen.jpeg)

kitkatnat: sAVED

kitkatnat: thats going in the blackmail folder

iced.americano: wait you have an entire folder for blackmail photos

kitkatnat: yup

kitkatnat: (stevesayingthepledgeofallegianceinhissleep.mov)

iced.americano: wTF HOW DID YOU GET THAt

kitkatnat: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

fluentsarcasm: ok this is all well and good and stuff but bucky is still stuck between a shelf and a wall so i think were gonna need some help

hawkguy: oh right i forgot about that

fluentsarcasm: bucky says, and i quote: “fuck you and your chicken nugget lookin ass”

hawkguy: ask him why hes looking at my ass when he knows steves is so much better

kitkatnat: HE JUST TURNED BRIGHT RED

fluentsarcasm: lmao how red

kitkatnat: you know the youtube app logo

iced.americano: FUCK YOU

fluentsarcasm: language

hawkguy: woah woah woah wtch your language son

iced.americano: THAT WAS ONE. TIME.

fluentsarcasm: yeah yeah its bully steve day but bucky is here laughing and he cant breathe so we should probably help him get out of here

fluentsarcasm: also like 7 people just walked past, looked at us, and either hurried away or tried not to laugh

fluentsarcasm: im kinda panicking so uh yeah take your time

kitkatnat: oh geez ok take a deep breath

kitkatnat: we’re on our way its fine

hawkguy: i almost ran over some kid on the escalator

kitkatnat: jesus clint

-  
Saturday, 3:46 pm  
-

kitkatnat: im proud of you bucky

kitkatnat: its pretty hard to get yourself stuck in between a shelf and a wall

freshplums: you should be

kitkatnat: *tearing up* they grow up so fast

fluentsarcasm: wOW YALL SHOULD BE THANKFUL THAT I HAD TO ENDURE THAT

kitkatnat: ty tony

kitkatnat: youre the best

freshplums: thonk

freshplums: many thonk

freshplums: also thonk for going with me to get a toaster

Bucky Barnes (freshplums) has changed the chat name to “toaster squad”

hawkguy: ayy

 

~ Present Day ~

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)

Friday, 3:36 pm  
-

kitkatnat: GUYS LOOK WHAT I FOUND

kitkatnat: (ikeatoastersquad.jpeg)

kitkatnat: (howdoesthisevenhappen.jpeg)

notactuallyiron: oMG WAS THAT

notactuallyiron: WHEN WE WENT TO IKEA TO GET BUCKY A TOASTER??

whitewinter: AND THEN I GOT STUCK BETWEEN TWO SHELVES FOR LIKE 20 MINUTES AND TONY STARTED PANICKING

hawkguy: wait wait wait I REMEMBER THAT

iced.americano: and you guys were all bullying me

whitewinter: you deserved it

hawkguy: how do i remember that it was like two years ago

hawkguy: i cant even remember what i had for breakfast

kitkatnat: im willing to bet it was cereal

hawkguy: no actually now i remember it was chicken strips from dennys

notactuallyiron: wh

notactuallyiron: actually fair enough i havent eaten all day

notactuallyiron: i had coffee though

kitkatnat: anthony edward stark im going to call pepper

notactuallyiron: geez ok ok chill ill go inhale this bag of hot cheetos

 

 **its wednesday my dudes**  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wanda Maximoff (spellthetea)  
Pietro Maximoff (theflash)  
Shuri (memequeen)

Friday, 3:51 pm  
-

memequeen: i just ran into tony stark at walgreens

peterparkour: what was he doing there lmao

memequeen: he was buying like 3 family sized bags of takis and the entire shrek anthology

Peter Parker (peterparkour) has changed their name to “yeeterparkour”

yeeterparkour: ive wanted to do that for a while

spellthetea: nice but also what

spellthetea: i mean weve seen him do weirder

spellthetea: but whAt

theflash: wanda chill its not like we havent seen you eat an entire container of ice cream before


	8. just for kicks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> notactuallyiron: so uhh anyone care to tell me whats up with buckys user
> 
> iced.americano: go00 the ehck to slelkgap
> 
> kitkatnat: well you see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey nerds this chapter's kinda short so I'm sorry!!
> 
> We're getting the tonynat friendship everyone deserved but didn't get because I freaking love that dynamic - chaotic good vs lawful evil

**shrek**  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Sam Wilson (falconboi)  
Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)

Saturday, 4:57 pm  
-

falconboi: hey

whitewinter: ILLEGAL

falconboi: lmao why

kitkatnat: this chats been dead for months

falconboi: so were changing that

falconboi: its time to bring this back

Sam Wilson (falconboi) has changed the chat name to “shrek the halls”

falconboi: yknow since its almost thAT TIME OF YEAR

Bucky Barnes (whitewinter) has changed the chat name to “sam can go eat a leek”

falconboi: fine you win

whitewinter: steve i see you ghosting

iced.americano: oi

whitewinter: hey sam truth or dare

falconboi: dare >:)

whitewinter: give me your phone quick

falconboi: but youre at your house

whitewinter: look outside

falconboi: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUAHGIEH

kitkatnat: assassination 100

Sam Wilson (falconboi) has changed their name to “same”

same: nO

same: heck you bucket

same: *bucky

kitkatnat: BUCKET

Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat) has changed Bucky Barnes (whitewinter)’s name to “bucket”

bucket: wHAT HOW DID YOU DO THAT

kitkatnat: im the admin

bucket: THATS NOT FAIR

kitkatnat: life isnt fair but here we are

same: get yeeted my dude

memequeen: hey kids its god

bucket: AND HOW ARE YOU HERE

kitkatnat: im an atheist

memequeen: hhax :)

Shuri (memequeen) has left the chat

iced.americano: aight not the weirdest thing ive seen all day

iced.americano: ok but who was that

kitkatnat: shuri, shes a freshman

bucket: aight cool

 

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Sunday, 4:02 am  
-

notactuallyiron: so uhh anyone care to tell me whats up with buckys user

iced.americano: go00 the ehck to slelkgap

kitkatnat: well you see

kitkatnat: he changed sams name to “same” on a dare and sam got mad and tried to spell his name in chat

kitkatnat: but it autocorrected to “bucket” so since im the admin in that chat i changed it for him :)

notactuallyiron: aight cool

iced.americano: hwgy are ahyoub u p

notactuallyiron: im sorry what

iced.americano: whYG ARE YOGU PB

notactuallyiron: i cant understand you, steve

iced.americano: Why the frick frack Tic-Tac are you awake at this ungodly hour (sent with text-to-speech)

notactuallyiron: AHHHAHA

notactuallyiron: reasons y’know

kitkatnat: ok that was cryptic

notactuallyiron: yes and so

kitkatnat: pm me

 

 **the last line of defense**  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)

Sunday, 4:11 am  
-

kitkatnat: what’s up

notactuallyiron: im fine

kitkatnat: anthony why are you up at 4 am

notactuallyiron: you know, weve been friends since we were in first grade and youve only called me by my real name like,,,

notactuallyiron: twice

kitkatnat: stop avoiding the question tony

notactuallyiron: and what was that again

kitkatnat: why are you awake 

notactuallyiron: youve known me for this long and youre still surprised to see me up this early

kitkatnat: yes

kitkatnat: answer the question or ill text pepper and rhodey

kitkatnat: is it a code d?

notactuallyiron: no no no nothing like that

notactuallyiron: why are you up at 4 am

kitkatnat: ive been up

notactuallyiron: same

notactuallyiron: now think wisely about your next move, if you tell me to go to sleep then thats being hypocritical

notactuallyiron: and if you ask me to elaborate then you have to as well

kitkatnat: i just want to know why youre avoiding the question

notactuallyiron: natasha, im fine

notactuallyiron: 100% totally and completely a-ok

kitkatnat: i can see that youre lying

kitkatnat: what are you working on?

notactuallyiron: a project for a class

kitkatnat: which class

notactuallyiron: ap physics

kitkatnat: meet me at the kids park near my house in fifteen minutes

notactuallyiron: uhh why

kitkatnat: you need a break

-

Natasha pulled her legs up onto the bench she was sitting at and wrapped her arms around them. She was bundled up in a warm jacket with the hood over her head and sweatpants. It was dark and cold, being 4:30 in the morning in November, and she could see her breath in puffy white clouds illuminated by a nearby light shining over the park. He was late, but what was new?

She sensed someone coming up behind her, so she dropped her left hand into her pocket and curled her fingers around a pocket knife. Turning around, she saw Tony gingerly heading towards her, stepping through the frost-covered grass.

“You look like a mess,” he greeted warmly, sitting down beside her and crossing one leg over another. Her curly dark red hair fell to the middle of her back and was frizzy and unkempt, which was a change to her usually very neat, organized style.

Natasha smiled. “You don’t look any better,” she remarked, pointing out the dark circles underneath his eyes and his hair, which was also in disorder. He wrapped his arms around himself in a sort of hug while maintaining a cool manner. Natasha watched how hard he was trying (and succeeding) to appear calm and composed. She realized how unfortunately good he was at it, and how much practice it took.

It would have gone unnoticed by anyone else. Natasha noticed.

Tony’s hands were shaking just a little as he repeatedly tapped his fingers on the sleeve of his jacket. She didn’t even think he knew he was doing it. It would have been unseen by anyone else. Natasha saw.

His eyes darted nervously around the park, flicking back and forth to every dark corner. It would have been pushed aside by anyone else. Natasha observed.

These were the things she was good at doing. She noticed things with a very sharp eye. She recognized the signs of panic. Natasha recognized those signs, because she’d felt those signs and seen them on her own face. Not that she’d let anyone know.

“So what’s up?” Tony asked casually, hiding the waver in his voice.

“The sky,” she responded sarcastically. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

“For what?”

“Getting you out of the house. You needed fresh air. I could tell.”

“Okay…” They were quiet for a few minutes. “Natasha?”

She looked at him. “Yes?”

He returned her gaze. “You know, don’t you.”

“About your panic disorder? Yeah.”

“Nice,” he shrugged. “Good to know we’re on the same page.” There was an awkward silence again.

“Confessions,” she said rather suddenly. “Confess something you’ve never told anyone.”

Tony thought for a moment. “You sure you wanna hear it?” Natasha nodded, and he sighed. “I haven’t taken my meds since the second week of school.”

“Love that for you. I may or may not have once set arson to a public bathroom.”

He burst out laughing. “Damn! That’s _much_ worse!”

The pair sat and talked until 6 in the morning, when Natasha was sure Tony was calm and back to his usual sarcastic, snarky self. He had an idea.

 

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Sunday, 6:07 am  
-

notactuallyiron: hey guys everyone confess something you havent told anyone

notactuallyiron: i havent taken my meds since the second week of school because they do literally nothing for me

kitkatnat: tony already knows this but once i set a public bathroom on fire

bucket: oH

bucket: uhh i cant top that

bucket: but once i pushed a kid off a bridge

hawkguy: i take out my hearing aids when i dont want to listen to a conversation

kitkatnat: clint everyone knows that

iced.americano: BUCKY

bucket: heres one for steve

bucket: we went skydiving and he wasnt going to release the parachute until i literally climbed on him and set it off

hawkguy: fine

hawkguy: ive stolen over $300 from my brother barney

notactuallyiron: haha fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of what I've written happening to Tony is what I sometimes experience with panic disorder and generalized anxiety but everyone experiences it differently!!
> 
> On another note I saw FFH opening day and (no spoilers) tbh I thought it was kind of underwhelming. It was good, but not the best in my opinion.
> 
> My birthday's in a week (7/11 haha) and honestly I'm feeling the whole deleted Iron Man 2 scene with Tony going like "why celebrate my birth" because idk what I want to do for it :')
> 
> Also if anyone can find out when Natasha's birthday is that would be awesome!! If not I'mma just make her a Cancer like me (June 21 - July 22) bc she is my c h i l d


	9. thanksgivingsunset.jpeg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sooo uhh idk if this worked or not, but in case it didn't the link is in the chapter

 

In case it didn't work: [thanksgivingsunset.jpeg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BzoKVB1Jokw/?igshid=wk851bp1i78d)


	10. grandma got run over by a turkey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hawkguy: so i may have gotten stuck in the fridge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer chapter with more Clint because my sister requested it :P

**ill bury the body**  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)

Tuesday, 12:01 am  
-

hawkguy: i can't sleep

kitkatnat: well no shit sherlock

hawkguy: why u bully me

kitkatnat: because, my dear friend

kitkatnat: its because its 12 mcfreaking 01 in the morning on a school night

hawkguy: ok but fr fr

hawkguy: olive and lucky have been submerged in a play battle since 9 pm

kitkatnat: fun

kitkatnat: just drop olive at tonys house or smthn

hawkguy: and get him killed? nah im good fam

hawkguy: imma just let olive outside before she pukes on my bed

kitkatnat: whatever makes you happy

hawkguy: i mean tonys probably up anyway right

kitkatnat: lemme chech

kitkatnat: ye hes online

hawkguy: nah fam i dont wanna get him murdered

kitkatnat: check the chat name hunni

hawkguy: idc im on the small list of people he doesnt hate

hawkguy: wait i cant find olive

kitkatnat: again?

kitkatnat: sges probably under the porch

hawkguy: shit no shes not

kitkatnat: oh god clint you idiot

kitkatnat: (takebettercareofyourstuff.jpeg)

hawkguy: hOw did you fidn her

kitkatnat: shes in my kitchen

kitkatnat: again

hawkguy: wdym again

kitkatnat: its her happy place

kitkatnat: this is the third time this week

hawkguy: oh

hawkguy: do you want me to collect her then

kitkatnat: no

kitkatnat: shes mine

hawkguy: but

kitkatnat: No.

hawkguy: ok okok ok gotcha fam

kitkatnat: im her mama now

kitkatnat: i mean i always have been

kitkatnat: go to sleep you need it

hawkguy: no

kitkatnat: Clint.

hawkguy: fineeeeee

kitkatnat: ill drop olive at your house on the way to the bus stop

 

 **the brodinsons**  
Thor Odinson (thoreos)  
Loki Odinson (mischiefmanaged)  
Hela Odinsdottir (thisishela)

Tuesday, 7:13 am  
-

thisishela: goddamn you all

thisishela: all of you

thoreos: why the vile language, sister?

thisishela: hhhhhhhh

thisishela: i dont wnat to function

mischiefmanaged: but youre still picking us up from school today right?

thisishela: awkejgggiufhaiw;ehfaiw

mischiefmanaged: ill take that as a yes

thisishela: yeahh

thoreos: if i may ask, where were you last night

thisishela: my dorm

mischiefmanaged: riiiight

thisishela: shut up, insolent bumblebee

thisishela: death

mischiefmanaged: mood

thoreos: school ends at 3:30

mischiefmanaged: dont be drunk

mischiefmanaged: please

mischiefmanaged: i dont want to bail you out today

thisishela: whatever

 

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Tuesday, 7:22 am  
-

hawkguy: so i may have gotten stuck in the fridge

bucket: how the fuck

hawkguy: uhh i was bored

iced.americano: and your response to boredom was to try and fit yourself in the fridge?

hawkguy: yes?

bucket: i mean weird flex but ok

kitkatnat: im coming over with your dog and a crowbar

notactuallyiron: GUYS PRINCIPAL THANOS IS GONNA MURDER ME

iced.americano: do i want to know why

notactuallyiron: i got into the school speakers and now its gonna play ill be home for christmas on a 10-hour loop at 8 am exactly

notactuallyiron: it was actually really easy to do

notactuallyiron: so i helped the school out and gave them a better firewall, not that theyll thank me or anything

bucket: its not even december

notactuallyiron: my point exactly

hawkguy: so im out of the fridge thanks nat

hawkguy: and reading up gave me an idea but ill need help from tony

hawkguy: listen i have nine santa hats in my backpack and a plan

 

 **idiot squad™**  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)

Tuesday, 7:29 am  
-

hawkguy: okay school starts in half an hour

hawkguy: do you have materials where you are now?

notactuallyiron: yeah im in the school library with my laptop

notactuallyiron: shoot

hawkguy: im assuming you have the password to get into either fury’s or thanos’s emails?

notactuallyiron: yes?? i have since we were sophomores??

hawkguy: and you can get into the thing where you can send emails to all the students?

notactuallyiron: yeah im already in

notactuallyiron: i think i know what i have to do

hawkguy: send an email to everyone - and i mean EVERYONE - and tell them to wear a santa hat to school

notactuallyiron: done

hawkguy: can you cover up your tracks?

notactuallyiron: dw i made my own firewall its more secure than the pentagon’s database

hawkguy: how do you know?

notactuallyiron: i hacked into it last year

hawkguy: oh

notactuallyiron: yeah

hawkguy: why arent you at mit yet?

notactuallyiron: they actually asked me to apply but i turned them down bc i wanna go to marvel university 

hawkguy: oh shit

hawkguy: well anyways the emails been sent

notactuallyiron: time to watch the chaos unfold

 

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Tuesday, 8:03 am  
-

hawkguy: GUYS IT WORKED

bucket: can someone explain to me why everyone here is wearing a santa hat?

bucket: oh

hawkguy: that was tony and me :D

bucket: yeah i just got the email

bucket: so you have the password to get into furys files?

notactuallyiron: nope

bucket: howd you get in?

notactuallyiron: usb extraction on his computer

iced.americano: thats kind of illegal

notactuallyiron: not if you dont leak it and nobody notices

iced.americano: you can… actually get taken to court for that

notactuallyiron: lets do it baby i know the law

notactuallyiron: my dads got the best lawyers

kitkatnat: yeah but that means youd actually have to talk to him

notactuallyiron: good point

notactuallyiron: actually no my “babysitter” happy hogan can get me in contact

hawkguy: youre 17 and you still have a babysitter

notactuallyiron: notice the quotations

notactuallyiron: hes the head of security but apparently hidden in the job description was “get my kid off my ass”

notactuallyiron: but sometimes he’ll bring juice boxes

bucket: what

notactuallyiron: its cool hes chill

notactuallyiron: he lets me do my own thing bc im not really the problem child my dad says i am

hawkguy: aNyWay

hawkguy: so everyone here has their santa hats and the song is playing and thanos looks like hes gonna cry

hawkguy: fury is in his office trying to disable the speakers but its not working

hawkguy: kids are breakdancing in the hallway and jumping off lockers

hawkguy: i think this was a good prank to do less than a week after thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summer's already a third of the way through and I can't properly function help
> 
> Also my birth anniversary is tomorrow so that's fun I guess


	11. old movies and early mornings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iced.americano: you all really dont have a good sleep schedule do you
> 
> notactuallyiron: so theres whipped cream in my coffee now
> 
> notactuallyiron: oh hey mom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys its ya girl running on four and a half hours of sleep because freaking tHUNDERSTORMS WONT SHUT THE HELL UP *yeets*
> 
> so anyways tony is legitimately me this morning :))

**toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Wednesday, 4:14 am  
-

notactuallyiron: fuck your chicken strips

hawkguy: olive is licking the bottom of my foot while im sitting at the kitchen table help

notactuallyiron: weird flex but ok

hawkguy: also guys,,,

hawkguy: i figured it out,,,

kitkatnat: ooh do enlighten us

hawkguy: soy milk

hawkguy: is just regular milk introducing itself in spanish

notactuallyiron: should i put whipped cream in my coffee

kitkatnat: do it

kitkatnat: but is it a question?? is it having an existential crisis???

kitkatnat: soy milk???

hawkguy: woah….

iced.americano: you all really dont have a good sleep schedule do you

notactuallyiron: so theres whipped cream in my coffee now

notactuallyiron: oh hey mom

iced.americano: tony you dont get enough sleep

notactuallyiron: ahaha says the guys who came on here to yell at us

notactuallyiron: so update im now shaking and i cant tell if its from sleep deprivation or a caffeine high

hawkguy: probably both tbh

iced.americano: what do your parents think of this

hawkguy: they dont care

notactuallyiron: my moms on a business trip and my dads sleeping off a hangover

kitkatnat: steve, you should know that you and bucky have the most stable families

notactuallyiron: and rhodey and sam and t’chancla and his sister

hawkguy: T’CHANCLA

notactuallyiron: and kind of peter bc may is the best but his parents are no longer with us

bucket: wait tony is there actually whipped cream in your coffee

notactuallyiron: (affirmative.jpeg)

bucket: not sure whether to be concerned or impressed

notactuallyiron: ƀøŧħ

hawkguy: wh

hawkguy: how did you do that

notactuallyiron: ɨ ħȺvɇ mɏ wȺɏs

notactuallyiron: ɨ Ⱥm ŧħɇ ȼɍȺƀ øvɇɍłøɍđ

bucket: that was so cryptic now i really am terrified

bucket: how ??

notactuallyiron: (ihaveunleashedthecrabs.jpeg)

notactuallyiron: really funny how sleep deprivation amkes you hyper

notactuallyiron: anyways so im about to yeet a toaster through the tv???

bucket: NO

bucket: WE DO NOT WANT A REPEAT OF THE IKEA INCIDENT

iced.americano: why?? are you about to throw a toaster at the tv??

notactuallyiron: because the tv is angering me and the toaster is nearby

notactuallyiron: switch to channel 12

kitkatnat: oh

kitkatnat: just turn it off

hawkguy: iTs sUcKinG mY wiLL tO liVe

kitkatnat: never ever introduce clint to 80s tv ever again

notactuallyiron: okay i havent seen waynes world in yearsss

notactuallyiron: but it doesnt get better than “better off dead”

notactuallyiron: hands down the best quote in that movie is “go that way really fast, and when something gets in your way, turn”

kitkatnat: but monique is rEALLY HOT AKDH:GIH:GAHEAUKH

iced.americano: wh-

iced.americano: why do you know these things

notactuallyiron: WOAH THE OLD MAN HASNT SEEN OLD MOVIES???

iced.americano: im more of a gone with the wind person

iced.americano: or to kill a mockingbird

kitkatnat: so even older movies then oowoo

notactuallyiron: geez sounds like something my grandpa would like

bucket: I DO NOT WANT TO SCHOOL TODAY

notactuallyiron: big mood

kitkatnat: what am i gonna do with a gun rack

iced.americano: idk maybe rack your guns- wait

iced.americano: is this another movie reference

kitkatnat: spot on

notactuallyiron: yknow for someone who gets relatively good grades youre an idiot

iced.americano: oh?

hawkguy: cmon everyone heres gotta love those shitty 80s movies

notactuallyiron: I BEG TO DIFFER

notactuallyiron: BACK TO THE FUTURE IS NOt just a "SHITTY 80s MOVIE"

 

 **science broskis**  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bruce Banner (scienceboi)  
Peter Parker (yeeterparkour)

Wednesday, 5:33 am  
-

notactuallyiron: you guys are the bio dudes

notactuallyiron: how bad of a sign is it to be shaking from either caffeine high or sleep deprivation

scienceboi: you should probably go to a doctor

notactuallyiron: never

notactuallyiron: also i just realized im outnumbered

notactuallyiron: two bio bros and only one tech bro

notactuallyiron: but that can change

Tony Stark (notactuallyiron) has added Harley Keener (connected) to the chat

connected: hey gays

yeeterparkour: *bi but ok

notactuallyiron: actually im pretty sure were all bi here

scienceboi: so how do you know harley?

connected: he may or may not have accidentally broken into my garage and stayed there for a weekend

scienceboi: wh

scienceboi: thats breaking and entering

connected: i said may or may not have

notactuallyiron: i kinda accidentally adopted him

yeeterparkour: oh! ive seen you in the halls!

yeeterparkour: youre a sophomore ye?

connected: yup

yeeterparkour: neat

notactuallyiron: so anyway

notactuallyiron: how concerned should i be if im shaking

scienceboi: when was the last time you slept

notactuallyiron: uh,,,

notactuallyiron: maybe,,,

notactuallyiron: ⁿᵒᵗ ˢᶦⁿᶜᵉ ᵐᵒⁿᵈᵃʸ?

scienceboi: anthony edward stark

yeeterparkour: what??

yeeterparkour: midterms are next week???

notactuallyiron: exactly

yeeterparkour: OH

yeeterparkour: its fine im studying too

notactuallyiron: oh i uhh

notactuallyiron: dont study

connected: im having flashbacks to last year

scienceboi: so harley is it?

scienceboi: how exactly did tony just,,,

scienceboi: show up

connected: last year around this time ig he got stressed out or smthn

connected: but he kinda broke into my garage and collapsed on my couch when i found him

connected: and then he begged me to make him a sandwich while he cried over papers

scienceboi: yup sounds like tony

notactuallyiron: b e t r a y e d

 

 **its wednesday my dudes**  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wanda Maximoff (spellthetea)  
Pietro Maximoff (theflash)  
Shuri (memequeen)

Wednesday, 9:24 am  
-

Peter Parker (yeeterparkour) has added Michelle Jones (mj), Ned Leeds (guyinthechair), and Harley Keener (connected) to the chat

yeeterparkour: i made friends

memequeen: congratumalations i didnt think you could do it

connected: wait are yall freshmen

memequeen: and youre not?

connected: nah im a sophomore

spellthetea: pietro and i are sophomores as well, even though we accompanied the smol chirren to their first day in the big leagues

connected: oh i think youre in my history class wanda

spellthetea: neat

mj: peter what am i doing here

yeeterparkour: well uh you see

yeeterparkour: i added you

guyinthechair: oh nice!! do you guys like star wars?

memequeen: sure?

connected: ye i guess

theflash: yes.

yeeterparkour: ned please do not invite them all to build the other lego star destroyer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am s l e e p d e p r i v e d :))
> 
> the "soy milk" conversation was between me and one of my friends, tony during the entire first section was me this morning (gotta love 4:15 am mornings), and i did actually put whipped cream in my coffee (it wasnt half bad tbh)
> 
> my mom was making us watch a bunch of old movies and now i understand some of the jokes and references she makes, which sparked the inspiration for this chapter
> 
> Also my dog just got a surgery and I'm kind of a sleep deprived mess,, she needed a pacemaker in her heart so her entire neck is shaved with two scars (she's okay, don't worry about it). So I reached down to scratch her neck absentmindedly and when there wasn't any fur there (bc I forgot), I panicked and kind of shrieked??
> 
> It feels really weird to pet her now because yay sensory issues and I hate the way it feels,,,


	12. costco run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> notactuallyiron: can someone 🅱️lease tell clint to stop slapping the fucking meat logs
> 
> notactuallyiron: natasha
> 
> notactuallyiron: get a hold of your fucking bird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> m e a t l o g

**toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Thursday, 7:14 pm  
-

hawkguy: yo can someone go to costco and get me one of those meat logs

kitkatnat: wtf is a meat log??

hawkguy: yknow

hawkguy: like the 5 pound bag of meat thats just in a log

hawkguy: dunno what theyre called

notactuallyiron: MEAT LOG

hawkguy: STOP BULLYING ME

notactuallyiron: nah fam im omw

-  
Thursday, 7:41 pm  
-

notactuallyiron: can someone 🅱️lease tell clint to stop slapping the fucking meat logs

notactuallyiron: natasha

notactuallyiron: get a hold of your fucking bird

kitkatnat: clint stop slapping the meat logs

hawkguy: ok

notactuallyiron: can you please make him listen to me tasha

notactuallyiron: 🅱️lease

notactuallyiron: shes offline isnt she

bucket: yyyyup

notactuallyiron: clint is sitting on the floor stroking a meat log

notactuallyiron: clint please I need to check out

hawkguy: get me smthn from the food court first

notactuallyiron: youre literally three feet in front of me why not just talk

notactuallyiron: with your mouth

hawkguy: silent treatment

notactuallyiron: FOR WHAT

hawkguy: I DONT KNOW

notactuallyiron: that,,,

notactuallyiron: makes literally no sense

notactuallyiron: AND NOW NATASHAS HERE

notactuallyiron: sbeve please dont just show up

iced.americano: why are you guys at costco

iced.americano: its almost 8:00

iced.americano: doesnt it close soon

kitkatnat: yes but thats beside the point

kitkatnat: tony: ok you have your shitty ice cream now, happy?

kitkatnat: clint: *mumbles into the ice cream*

kitkatnat: tony: im sorry what

kitkatnat: clint: *chokes on ice cream*

notactuallyiron: also it closes at 8:30

notactuallyiron: but, my friends,

notactuallyiron: you go to costco late because there arent many people to judge your actions

notactuallyiron: say, judging you for crying on the ground while stroking a slab of meat

hawkguy: ITS NOT A SLAB ITS A LOG

notactuallyiron: so anyway

notactuallyiron: hows your night going

 

 **crippled boi**  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Pepper Potts (passthepepper)  
Bruce Banner (scienceboi)  
James Rhodes (countryrhodes)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Bucky Barnes (bucket)  
Thor Odinson (thoreos)  
Loki Odinson (mischiefmanaged)  
Peggy Carter (peggycarter)  
Sam Wilson (same)  
T’Challa (wakandaforever)  
Valkyrie (pegasister)

Thursday, 7:57 pm  
-

Tony Stark (notactuallyiron) has renamed this chat to "why does this still exist"

notactuallyiron: yo im at costco anyone want anything

notactuallyiron: closes in 30 minutes

hawkguy: ive said it once ill say it again

hawkguy: m e a t l o g

pegasister: tf is a meat log

notactuallyiron: its an inside joke

countryrhodes: i want tony to stop making self-depricating jokes and to get some sleep

notactuallyiron: sorry thats too expensive

thoreos: BUY MORE OREOS FRIEND

same: new friends

bucket: sliding into your dms

same: no

mischiefmanaged: for my brother to sleep in his own room

scienceboi: a rotisserie chicken

pegasister: vodka

peggycarter: for everyone here to let me do homework in peace

kitkatnat: for sam and bucky to stop being at each others throats

same: no can do

iced.americano: normal friends

bucket: cant help you there

notactuallyiron: i only have $50

notactuallyiron: ill get the rotisserie chicken

notactuallyiron: YES CLINT I AM GETTING YOUR MEAT LOG CHILL THE HELL OUT

 

 **smol chirren™**  
Peter Parker (yeeterparkour)  
Shuri (memequeen)  
Michelle Jones (mj)  
Ned Leeds (guyinthechair)

Thursday, 8:59 pm  
-

memequeen: can someone explain why tony stark and clint barton just walked in the door to our house with a massive pool floaty

memequeen: that t'chancla went to go claim

memequeen: w h a t

memequeen: what is this sorcery and why did he not inform me of it

yeeterparkour: wow you got left out :((

memequeen: IKR

memequeen: RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD

yeeterparkour: be glad it wasnt a tarantula

guyinthechair: I feel like there's a story behind this and I need it

yeeterparkour: so basically tony is my cousin ye

yeeterparkour: well he sent a dead tarantula exoskeleton to my house with the note attached "looks like u"

mj: do you still have it?

yeeterparkour: i think so why

mj: because i want it you idiot

memequeen: power move

memequeen: ୧( ಠ Д ಠ )୨

yeeterparkour: oh

 

 ***loud screeching***  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Peter Parker (yeeterparkour)

Thursday, 9:22 pm  
-

yeeterparkour: so uh why did you bring a pool floaty into shuri and tchallas house?

notactuallyiron: he asked me to buy it

notactuallyiron: said hed pay me back

notactuallyiron: so i delivered it

yeeterparkour: i mean

yeeterparkour: makes sense

yeeterparkour: but why did he w a n t it?

notactuallyiron: thats classified information

 

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Thursday, 11:11 pm  
-

bucket: hey are you guys excited about the skiing trip in january

notactuallyiron: hell yeah

kitkatnat: snowboard ftw

iced.americano: skiing is safer

kitkatnat: e x a c t l y

hawkguy: i do both but it depends on whether im planning to murder myself or someone else

kitkatnat: im beginning to regret teaching you how to kill someone with a ski pole

hawkguy: you say that as if you dont know how 7 ways to commit homicide with a spoon

kitkatnat: point taken

notactuallyiron: i also do both but i typically stick to snowboard

notactuallyiron: currently drinking a triple espresso shot while walking home from a coffee shop wbu

kitkatnat: target practice with kitchen knives

hawkguy: letting olive and lucky out

iced.americano: trying to sleep

bucket: fkin calc homework

notactuallyiron: what problem you working on?

iced.americano: yeah tony why do i never see you doing homework?

notactuallyiron: ive been doing college lessons

notactuallyiron: i finished the calc course my sophomore year

bucket: (thisdamnproblem.jpeg)

notactuallyiron: gimme three minutes

bucket: two minutes left

bucket: 30 seconds

notactuallyiron: done (thisdamnsolution.jpeg)

iced.americano: wait thats right

notactuallyiron: of course it is, you doubted me?

bucket: stove: no comment

notactuallyiron: im disappointed

iced.americano: no im disappointed, youre drinking coffee at 11:30 pm

notactuallyiron: you say that as if its not normal for me

kitkatnat: ᕙ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the first half of this chapter under a bridge
> 
> Lemme explain
> 
> Like two blocks from my house there's a small lake, and a footbridge crossing said lake. There isn't really a shore or a beach to the lake, mostly just a bunch of weeds and a drop-off. However, next to the bridge there's a very well-concealed path that leads underneath the bridge where there's about 4 feet of large rocks before it hits the water.
> 
> My younger siblings will sometimes take a net and a lunchbox to go catch minnows with, and I'll tag along for supervision, mostly to make sure they don't start splashing fish juices at each other. So yeah, I wrote this chapter underneath a bridge.


	13. big dumbass energy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> notactuallyiron: in sophomore year we played flute in the marching band together
> 
> kitkatnat: we kicked ass
> 
> notactuallyiron: and may or may not have physically fought one of the trumpets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaahhdjsjdjsj sorry it's been like a whole mOnth august is the busiest month of my entire summer ://
> 
> anyways have a painfully short chapter i wrote in the car during yet another road trip uwu
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO NOTE: yes I deleted chapter 11 (secret satan) because I decided I didn't want it to be winter quite yet. I wanted to do something more with what the characters had left in the fall, so you'll see that during the next couple chapters!
> 
> Secret Santas are complicated which is another reason I deleted it

**science broskis**  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bruce Banner (scienceboi)  
Peter Parker (yeeterparkour)  
Harley Keener (connected)

Tuesday, 2:14 pm  
-

yeeterparkour: theoretically speaking,

yeeterparkour: how much sauerkraut could you buy with $20

connected: uh

connected: 12

scienceboi: actually it's closer to 8

yeeterparkour: nice

 

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Tuesday, 2:22 pm  
-

notactuallyiron: AGENT COULSON IS THE REASON I HAVE A MIGRAINE

notactuallyiron: AGAIN

hawkguy: just pop some advil or smthn

notactuallyiron: ive already had way more than the recommended amount

notactuallyiron: m prolly gonna die soon tbh

notactuallyiron: ţ̸̭͉͚͉̫̩̲̤̔͌̉͜͠h̸̨̯͍̒̓̑̅̂͘͝e̸͈̹̔̕ ̷̰̾̍͐͆͛̚͝ḑ̸̟̖͔̹̼̫̼̬̅̒̇͗̊̇̀͜͠ŗ̷͇͛͐͂͘̚͠u̸̘̇͑̔̈́͝ģ̷̢͕̹̝̟̰̱̅̽͊̽̊̃̀̾̌͝s̶̩̣͚̳̾̉̀ ̴̡̰̤͓͇͎̍͋̆͛̚ǎ̵̡͇̟̣̖̺͊ͅr̸̛̜̲̻̭̰̹͒̊̆́̾̉ͅe̵̢̢͓̪̲͕̙͉͊͐̀̌͆͜͜ ̵̣͐̎̊̌̌̈́͝ͅw̴͚͔̟͊̉̃͂̂ḛ̷̡̟͕̗͍͈͇̈ͅa̶̭͍͍̍̓͗͑̾͌͝ŗ̴͕̩̏͌̋͊̒́͂̋̊̿i̶͔͉͈͂̐̚ṋ̴̛̓̋g̷̟͍͉̫̰̥̣͖̍̄̑͜ ̸̧̭̮̣͍̤̌o̶͎̟͙͚͇̣͒̎̓̽f̶̢̣͚̞̥̬̪̂͂̌̆f̷̣̲̟̪̤̱͉̞͙̂̄̏͂̀͘͜

hawkguy: oh

notactuallyiron: w̶̡̛̘̺͖̬̘̥͖̣̘̓̏ȟ̶͉̞̦̗̇̈̉̍́ë̷̬͎̝́̄͐̃̏͘͝r̶̨̪̗͎̙̟̰̜̋̆̃͝e̵̛͔̤͇̠̲̐̕ ̵̼͉̭̲͍̺͊͂̔͌̀̓͠a̸̱͓̣̅́̈́̓r̷̨͈̪̬̊͑͒͝͝e̶̜̻̝͒͝ ̶̘̝̑̄͑̀͠m̴̢͉̄̽̏̐̑̕͝y̵͉̩̐̋̕ ̷̞̭͖̯̘̍͜͝d̵̡̖̯̜͇͌̔̉̇̇̔̑ŕ̷̛̫͕̏͊̀̉ư̸̡͛͝͝g̸͈̿̃̎̑̚͝s̸̨̬̪̭̰̺̓̽̊

hawkguy: so uh

hawkguy: wanna explain why mr coulson is the reason behind your migraine

notactuallyiron: my parental unit discovered that i havent been taking my adhd drugs and agent confronted me

iced.americano: why do you always call Mr Coulson "agent?"

notactuallyiron: its been a joke since like freshmen year

notactuallyiron: he looks and acts like hes an fbi agent

iced.americano: I still don't understand why you /wouldn't/ want to take medicine that helps you

notactuallyiron: 1, to prove a point

notactuallyiron: 2, because they dont do shit

notactuallyiron: and most of the time the side effects make me want to throw myself off a bridge

hawkguy: just get a higher dosage

hawkguy: or stronger med

notactuallyiron: first they put me on vyvanse and it wasnt working so for a while i was bouncing between adderall and ritalin

bucket: popping in to say

bucket: "I got diagnosed with cool guy syndrome and now I take

bucket: /adderall"/

hawkguy: what are you on now

notactuallyiron: adderall, mostly so i could quote the vine

notactuallyiron: but i started skipping on it because it increases anxiety and also gives me headaches and makes me nauseous

notactuallyiron: so thats fun

hawkguy: so whatchu gonna do now

notactuallyiron: idk yet ill probably play along for a while

notactuallyiron: its the same thing every time

iced.americano: on a completely unrelated note, who's going to the football game on friday? it's the last home game

kitkatnat: im def gonna be there because

kitkatnat: * ~ ° × marching band × ° ~ *

kitkatnat: uwu

bucket: i was unaware you were in marching band

iced.americano: ok, I'm gonna say it, I was unaware you played an instrument

kitkatnat: flute ftw!

notactuallyiron: in sophomore year we played flute in the marching band together

kitkatnat: we kicked ass

notactuallyiron: and may or may not have physically fought one of the trumpets

kitkatnat: because he was an egotistical DICK

iced.americano: alright, but is that just a stereotype?

notactuallyiron: nah im pretty sure you need to have an ego of like,,, 3000 or higher to even qualify

notactuallyiron: might be a stereotype but its a true one

bucket: lmao tony then why didnt you play trumpet

notactuallyiron: nat?

kitkatnat: tony may have an ego, but trumpets need self confidence too

bucket: EYE-

bucket: how do you know that?

notactuallyiron: lmao it was our inside joke

iced.americano: who else is in the marching band?

notactuallyiron: peter parker is, he plays flute

kitkatnat: peter quill plays saxophone

kitkatnat: hes so fucking annoying, constantly playing careless whisper

notactuallyiron: isnt stephen strange a mello

kitkatnat: actuallu hes a trumpet

notactuallyiron: yknow that expLAINS A LOT

kitkatnat: peppers a drum major

kitkatnat: and tony

notactuallyiron: nONononO dont you fUcking do this natashalie

kitkatnat: still plays flute ᕙ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ

notactuallyiron: blocked

kitkatnat: wait unblock me i have to tell you something

notactuallyiron: bitch

kitkatnat: bitch

kitkatnat: wait

hawkguy: TONY? FLUTE?

kitkatnat: as flute section leader, i can bully my children

notactuallyiron: shut the fUck up

notactuallyiron: you cant get me to call you flute mama no matter how hard you try

hawkguy: hang on ive gotta do something

 

 **why does this exist**  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Pepper Potts (passthepepper)  
Bruce Banner (scienceboi)  
James Rhodes (countryrhodes)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Bucky Barnes (bucket)  
Thor Odinson (thoreos)  
Loki Odinson (mischiefmanaged)  
Peggy Carter (peggycarter)  
Sam Wilson (same)  
T’Challa (wakandaforever)  
Valkyrie (pegasister)

Tuesday, 2:58 pm  
-

hawkguy: GUYS GUESS WHAT

notactuallyiron: CLINT I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD

hawkguy: TONY PLAYS FLUTE IN THE MARCHING BAND

countryrhodes: clint, literally everyone knows this

countryrhodes: have you actually never been to a football game

hawkguy: theyre all in uniform??? they all look the same???

passthepepper: if you're trying to embarrass him, there's nothing you can do

passthepepper: he has an army of underclassmen who worship him

notactuallyiron: clint

notactuallyiron: take a chill pill

notactuallyiron: take a deep breath, regroup, and face it

notactuallyiron: im worshipped by the children

hawkguy: I-

hawkguy: youre not… even… 18….

kitkatnat: *virtual high 5* I think you broke him

notactuallyiron: probably for the best

 

 **toaster squad**  
Clint Barton (hawkguy)  
Natasha Romanoff (kitkatnat)  
Steve Rogers (iced.americano)  
Tony Stark (notactuallyiron)  
Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Tuesday, 11:25 pm  
-

bucket: by weet

bucket: i mean i just YEETED all my weet into the minecraft void

hawkguy: YEET

hawkguy: YEET THAT MF WEET HELL YEAH

kitkatnat: f

notactuallyiron: f

bucket: (8morestscks.jpeg)

bucket: its all good guys i got more

notactuallyiron: phew

hawkguy: tHat was a close one, gang

iced.americano: what

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes I love the headcannon that tony plays flute
> 
> im a flutist myself, and one of my years in marching band my section leader had us call her "flute mama," so that explains that bit
> 
> honestly at this point im self projecting onto my favorites, with adhd stuff and the marching band cult
> 
> anyways, im here, im queer, and now im gonna disappear (until im back with another chapter uwu)

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Instagram for fan art and occasional memes! @equinxx._


End file.
